Recently I read an account of a woman who was warning other wives of the dangers of submitting too much. She went on to talk of how much she resented being forced to stay at home, wear skirts and bake bread. She claimed that being submissive and wanting to please our husbands was the breeding grounds for abuse. I have found myself thinking about this repeatedly since I read it, and want to talk a little about it.
Let me start off by saying that I have never been in a physically abusive relationship, and am not trying to advise how to handle such a situation.
That being said, I was saddened to think that there are women out there that are warning against submitting to our husbands. First off, it is biblical to submit, and secondly, it is absurd to think that just because something bad happened to one woman, it will happen to all women. Our God is a loving God, and I see no reason why He would call women to submit, if it would cause men to hurt them. Obviously there is something else going on to causes the abuse, and submission and staying home to care for our families should not be blamed.
“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.” Ephesians 5:22
I was raised in a family where submission was not something practiced. When the subject was brought up, it was said to be a thing of the past, not something that really applied to wives today. As a young wife, I naturally sought the approval of my hubby, but let me just say that submission was not on my list of “things to work on“. As God really began working on my life, and I actually picked-up my Bible myself to look for direction and answers, I began to truly take notice of how many times God commands women to submit to their husbands. My eyes were opened. I instantly knew it was something that I was not good at, and definitely needed to pray for the strength to make such a change. Well, one thing led to another, and although I still know that I need to continue to work on my submission, I can feel such a positive change in myself and my marriage.
So, as my mind has repeatedly gone back to the warnings of that poor woman, I have taken some time to think about why submission is a positive thing for me, whereas it is obviously not to her. I, in no way, am stating that I am better than her, and maybe that is why I have spent so much time pondering it. From what it sounds like, she was forced into submission by her husband and church. I, on the other hand, was not. My submission to my husband is something between me and God. He showed it to me, and gave me the strength to take the step.
“Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.” Ephesians 5:24
Whereas this woman resented wearing skirts, baking bread, and submitting to her husband, I find it to be wonderfully freeing. I am outright ecstatic! I don’t have to try to “keep-up” with the men in the world. I don’t have to compete for the new promotion. I don’t have to sit in hours of mind-numbing traffic each day. I don’t have to lift things that are too heavy for me. I get to stay at home, where super- comfy skirts, teach my children about God and life, make wonderful things for my family to eat, and enjoy guiding my house. Now that’s freedom!
As women, we need to feel brave enough to stand up and say that “I am striving to be submissive to my husband, and although it can be tough at times, it is wonderful.”
“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.” Colossians 3:18
This article would have strength if you would mention where you read the article. Otherwise, it can seem like heresay.
I hear what you are saying, however I didn’t want to “pick on” the woman who wrote that. I didn’t feel that what she said was something unique and I have actually read and heard others say similar things. The reason it really stood out to me is really a reflection of where I am in life right now. The focus of this post is not to prove the woman wrong, but to point out why I think that kind of attitude is unbiblical.
The Holy Spirit can change the desires of our hearts, too. I loved college — and I was told over and over again by everyone around me that I should pursue a Ph.D. I have one class left to get my Master’s degree, but I also have a husband, two children, and a house. Now, I want nothing more than to stay home and take care of my family, but we have student loan debt to pay off, so for now, I’m still working. If you submit grudgingly, of course you’ll be miserable. If you are submitting for the “right” reasons, it is freeing (something I am desperately looking forward to).
Kristen @ Trial & Error Homemaking
Thanks for sharing, Kristen. I agree, it can be a big adjustment when we feel called to change our lifestyle. I hope you are able to soon be home with your kiddos, too.
Many things change if you are doing it for God.
So true!
Thank you for this post. I too was raised in a home where submitting was not going on. Submitting to your own husband IS freeing! But still hard sometimes. I think that we believe that if we submit we will lose ourselves, that our talents and intelligence will be wasted. I struggled with that thought as I tried to submit. Now I see that submitting is using your talents to bless your family in the direction that your husband wants. It’s so odd that people don’t see that working for a boss in a career is submitting too, and no one has a problem with that. I think it is the devil’s plan to keep us in fear that keeps most women from wanting to submit to their husbands. Just my opinion. : )
Well said, Suzanne! I completely agree, and am glad you enjoyed this post. I think many women struggle with submitting out of fear of losing themselves. You’re right, the devil sure is tricky! Thanks for sharing.
Thank you much for this posting. I too am a stay at home wife, the children are raised,married and with children of their own now, but, I am still loving being submissive to dear husband at home.What hope have we of our children’s children growing up in a home with Mommy home and happy to be , if we ourselves do not live this out.I grew up in a very non submissive home, so sad.I am not perfect,just learning from mistakes I have made.I want to encourage my own daughters,as well as other Moms at home. It is the most sacred calling ever. What a priviledge we have.Blessings to you, Dawn E. Brown
Thanks for the comment, Dawn. I love how you say you’re not perfect, just learning from mistakes you made. I can totally relate to this! It’s wonderful that you have grown daughters that you can encourage. What a blessing to have a mom who is there for your girls!
I didn’t get married until I was 35. I had been in 2 serious relationships which resulted in my daughters, but I wasn’t always living a Christ centered life. My husband & I have been married 5 months and are striving to live for the Lord in everything we do, it’s so wonderful! My problem, issue, difficulty, is this. I work full time as does he. So there are only about 3 hours in the evening that we get to spend together. If I have something I feel HAS to be done, wash dishes (even though I really try to get everything done before he gets home) or do a load of laundry he gets frustrated and tells me to leave it for the next day. I am so torn between the bible telling me to take care of my home (I’ve been studying the Proverbs 31 woman) and doing what my husband tells me to do. I want to submit to him but my independent nature often rebels.
It’s wonderful that you are searching for God’s will in your life. Being a stay at home wife, I don’t know how I would ever get everything done if I had to work! Best wishes as you continue trying to obey God and submit to hubby.
God is faithful, and will continue to lead you.